


I can't help but want oceans to part

by gingergenower



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Feelings, I have a lot of feelings and this is a weird mix of them, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Post-Episode: s03e10 Erchomai, and every single boyfriend is soft!, oh and clary is still dead rip, squared! there's two lots of boyfriends!, the softest boyfriends, underhill deserves to be happy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-22
Updated: 2019-03-22
Packaged: 2019-11-27 09:40:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18192899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gingergenower/pseuds/gingergenower
Summary: This is his institute. This should be normal by now. They shouldn’t feel as though their every move is watched.Underhill reunites with a childhood friend, and Alec is the head of the New York Institute, whether or not his fellow shadowhunters like it.





	I can't help but want oceans to part

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AlexandersStele](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlexandersStele/gifts).



> the title is taken from the immortal malec song [war of hearts](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=49ZhrgtR-S4) by ruelle

“And we’re expecting transfers tomorrow morning,” Alec says, pulling up the profile of each name on his tablet and checking for the individual reasons for the move. “Two of them are long-standing requests to get experience in other Institutes and one last minute request, unspecified.”

“I’ll keep an eye on them, sir,” Underhill says quietly, and Alec’s gaze flicks to him, a moment of understanding passing between them.

The New York Institute might be something of a culture shock to those who aren’t aware of the recent changes Alec’s implemented, but Alec can’t be there to hold their hands through it. It’s only been two days; Jace is in shock, not left alone for more than a few minutes, even in sleep. Izzy tries to be nearby, Maryse watches over him, and Alec knows he can’t offer anything they aren’t, so he’s keeping his grief focussed.

He’s going to convince the Clave the only burial fit for Clary is a real ceremony, not an empty grave in the cemetery of the disgraced.  He owes it to her.

“I appreciate it,” Alec says, holding Underhill’s gaze for a moment before he returns his focus to the tablet in his hand, clearing his throat. “It’s last minute, but the Manila Institute’s reshuffling and we do have some gaps in numbers.”

“The- Manila Institute?”

“Yes.” Alec pauses, watchful. “Is there a problem?”

“No, it’s just-” Underhill takes a deep breath, hesitant. “Do you have the names of the transfers?”

Alec reads them. “Benjamin and Ana Redstaff, married, and Lucas Greenglass.”

Automatically, Underhill nods, eyes unseeing. He’s trying to contain whatever reaction he’s having, and Alec pulls up Lucas’ profile, frowning.

“By all accounts, he’s a good shadowhunter.”

“He’s a good man,” Underhill says immediately, and then he smiles slightly, as though in disbelief. “We grew up together in the institute in Ontario. Sorry, sir, I- it’s just that I haven’t seen him in about ten years.”

Alec holds up a hand, excusing him. “We don’t have the exact time of arrival, they haven’t been able to arrange the portal yet, but it should be the morning.”

“I’ll make sure we’re ready for them,” Underhill says, clearly trying to return to his professionalism, but he isn’t hiding the wonder in his eyes. “Sir.”

“Good,” Alec says, and Underhill takes his leave, trying to fight back a smile.

Narrowing his eyes, Alec reads the profile again, more carefully than the first time. Lucas Greenglass is an expert marksman, especially competent under extreme pressure. His mother and sister are in Egypt. There’s nothing in his history, no note that so much as mentions Underhill.

Sighing, Alec signs off on the transfer arrival date and sorts out their assignments for them. It doesn’t seem like their history will cause a problem anyway, and he trusts Underhill. He can afford to let him keep this private. It’s not as if Underhill hides much, anymore.

***

Late in the evening, a call comes through that the latest they’ll arrive is seven in the morning, but it isn’t the reason Alec doesn’t sleep. There’s been a nest of demons discovered at the Brooklyn Hanger at sunset park, and by the time he’s mobilised enough shadowhunters to clear it, he’s already missed dinner with Magnus. He keeps Izzy and Jace benched, doesn’t even tell them about the mission, and sends him a quick but meant text- Magnus is grieving too, he’s mortal now, he doesn’t have _magic_ , and they’ve hardly even had the time to speak about it- but he’s ultimately glad he went himself.

They’d been multiplying, hidden in dark corners, and it takes ten shadowhunters all night to find and destroy them. By the time it’s over, they’re all covered in ichor- and, in some cases, blood- and they all get back to the institute bruised and exhausted. Alec instructs everyone to immediately get their mostly-healed wounds checked. He kept Izzy and Jace benched, didn’t even tell them about the mission, because it’s only been a day

Once they’re all out of sight, Alec sighs, stretching his neck. He got scratched himself on the back of his calf, misjudging a kick, but it’s completely healed and he doesn’t have time to get checked himself. He needs a shower, and glancing at his watch, he realises the transfers should be arriving in an hour or so.

As he’s stripping off in the bathroom, he calls Magnus, who answers after three trills and sounds more alert than Alec feels.

“ _Are you alright_?” he asks, and Alec sighs.

“I’m fine.”

“ _Were you out all night_?”

“Yeah. It wasn’t a nest, is was an infestation.”

Magnus huffs, his own tiredness cutting through the static, although that might just be because Alec knows him so well. “ _Are you on your way_?”

“I can’t come home.” Alec grabs a fresh outfit to change into, a shirt and blazer. “I need to be here in an hour.”

“ _I’ll come to you, then_.”

“You don’t have to-”

“Alexander.”

There’s a pause- a ‘that took far longer than you thought, and I was worried and I need to see you, and we both need sleep’ warning in his voice- and Alec relents. “I’m just getting in the shower.”

“ _I won’t be long. Love you_.”

“Love you too.”

Alec showers quickly, dresses quickly, and his hair’s still damp when he pulls on a blazer. He traces his stele over his stamina rune as he heads back out into the corridor, passing one of the shadowhunters he fought with.

“Not going to bed, sir?” she asks, and Alec pockets the stele, trying not to sigh in relief, the feeling of the rune’s power flowing through his bloodstream.

He gestures to the arm he knows she injured. “Are you ok?”

“I am now,” she assures him.

“Good,” Alec says, already heading to the operations centre. “Get some rest.”

It’s quiet- a few people walking through, but it’s only just past 6am- so Alec pulls a chair up to a free computer, searching the database for similar nests of demons found near the docks in the last ten years, but it doesn’t seem to be a pattern. At least, not yet.

Logging in, he sends himself an email to make sure he orders more patrols at the waterfront for the foreseeable future, but just as he hits the send button he hears footsteps behind him, and a cup of takeaway coffee is put down next to him on the desk. He looks up, and Magnus is already leaning down to kiss him.

Alec smiles slightly, Magnus’ finger tracing down his jaw as Magnus pulls back. “Hey.”

“Hello,” Magnus says, settling against the desk. “How’re you feeling?”

“Been worse,” Alec says, swivelling in the chair to face him, picking up the coffee. “Thank you. Did you sleep well?”

“Not as well as I would’ve liked,” Magnus says delicately. “It was difficult without you there.”

“Magnus…”

“Neither of us can help it.” Magnus waves a hand, a little too carelessly. “I’ll sleep later. What do you need to be here for?”

“New transfers from the…” he squints, thinking. “Manila?... Institute. As head, I should be here to welcome them, and they’re arriving any minute.”

Nodding understandingly, Magnus half smiles. “Of course. Should I leave?”

Alec frowns, not understanding- and then he tries to hold back everything he’s feeling. Magnus’ matter-of-fact tone, his lack of hesitation; the world made Magnus think nothing of Alec being ashamed of him, of being seen with him-

“No,” Alec says. “You’re a choice I make. They’ll either respect me or they won’t, but I’m not going to pretend to have chosen differently.”

Magnus looks at his cup but doesn’t drink from it. “First impressions are important for leaders.”

“Magnus,” Alex says, voice level but firm. He waits until Magnus meets his eye before he speaks again. “I don’t care. I’m going to keep choosing you.”

After a moment, Magnus nods his assent, and takes a sip of his coffee.

They’re quiet for a while, more companionable than anything else, until Magnus asks about the night. Alec gives him a brief overview of what happened, a few more people trickling into the operations room as they talk.

Neither of them move, shifting away from each other or halting the conversation to pretend they aren’t together, but they are more aware of what a kiss on the cheek would mean. The smallest gestures they offer thoughtlessly in the safety of Magnus’ apartment are a statement here- and for a moment, Alec thinks of their first kiss.

This is _his_ institute. This should be normal by now. They shouldn’t feel as though their every move is watched.

Magnus is still talking, giving him some suggestions on how best to approach searching out other nests, and Alec’s gaze keeps flicking to his lips. He could just kiss Magnus, right now, he could pretend to want to get something and stand up and kiss him as he passes him.

He wants to.

Then, someone calls his name, and he blinks and turns, the moment broken.

Three unfamiliar faces wait at the entrance, standing with security. Alec doesn’t kiss Magnus as he stands, but he does reach out and touch his arm as he moves, striding over to the newest members of his team.

The married couple introduce themselves first, both of them shaking his hand. They’re upright and formal and Alec sees the man very deliberately not looking in Magnus’ direction, so Alec gestures to the nearest person and asking her to take them to their new room on the third floor.

“You must be very tired,” Alec says understandingly, with the kind of smile he gives Lorenzo, and they thank him and disappear around the corner.

Lucas Greenglass is a complete contrast to them as he strides forward confidently, shaking Alec’s hand as he smiles. He’s almost as tall as Magnus, olive skin and warm eyes, and he’s far more relaxed. “Sir.”

“Welcome to the New York Institute,” Alec says, not missing the way Lucas settles on Magnus for a moment, as though curious, before snapping back to Alec. “I’ve already heard good things.”

Lucas frowns slightly. “You have?”

“My head of security, Steven Underhill, says you were friends as children.”

Lucas blinks, surprised, and then smiles, a little incredulous. “Yes, we were. We lost touch a long time ago, I had no idea he was here now.”

“Well, he is,” Alec says, unable to help that feeling he’s missing something important again. “But I’m not sure where he is at this moment. I can show you to your room, if you’re tired, or show you around-?”

“Lucas.”

They both turn, and it’s Underhill, openly staring at Lucas.

Alec’s never seen that expression on his face before, open and stunned, and Lucas is suddenly, utterly terrified, frozen where he’s stood.

It’s so familiar, it takes Alec a few seconds to place why it feels that way, but when he does, he looks away. He’s not quite sure how to leave, but it’s all he wants to do. This is not a moment he should be audience to. “Could you show our newest recruit around? Where his room is? I’m sure you both have a lot to catch up on.”

Underhill doesn’t so much as tear his gaze away from Lucas to answer Alec, but he does nod. “Yes, sir. I will.”

Alec turns back to Magnus and heads towards him, deliberately not looking back, but Magnus narrows his eyes, clearly watching them over Alec’s shoulder.

“Who is he?”

“Underhill’s… friend,” Alec says, raising his eyebrows when Magnus looks surprised at the implication. “They grew up together, but he was assigned to a different institute about fourteen years ago.”

“They look…” Magnus begins, not quite able to finish the sentence, and Alec risks a glance back.

They don’t seem aware there’s anyone else in the room. They were seventeen the last time they saw each other- Lucas talks fast and Underhill doesn’t say anything at all, searching Lucas’ face as if he can’t believe he’s seeing him. When Underhill reaches up, hand touching Lucas’ heart, Alec averts his eyes again, looking back to Magnus.

Magnus decides on the end of his sentence. “… _close_.”

“Yeah,” Alec says. “Seems that way.”

“Did he transfer here to be with him?”

“He didn’t even know he was here,” Alec says, shaking his head. “And his application didn’t specify a reason for the transfer.”

Perhaps he was transferred away from Underhill in the first place because of the way they looked at each other. He’s sure an anxious family member would keep the reason quiet, but separate them all the same. It’s what Alec’s mother would have done, if Alec had fallen in love with another shadowhunter.

When Underhill told him ‘nephilim love once, fiercely’, Alec is almost certain now he was thinking of Lucas.

“He may have thought he’d be safer here,” Magnus murmurs, tilting his head slightly, eyes soft. “Under your protection.”

Alec hesitates, then glances around. A few people are staring in Underhill’s direction, and Alec shakes his head, looking down again. “I can’t protect them.”

Magnus straightens the lapels of Alec’s blazer, a little too nonchalant, forcing Alec to meet his eye again. “You’ll try to.”

And that isn’t something Alec can argue with, because he will- and at this moment, he’s the leader of this institute. Every decision he makes is under scrutiny, but every decision he makes decides what kind of people these shadowhunters learn to be.

Before he can overthink it, he steps forward, cradling Magnus’ faces and meeting him in a soft kiss. It’s no more than a press of lips but it lingers, Magnus’ hands resting on his waist.

When they break apart, Alec only has eyes for him, trying not to blush at the sheer satisfaction in Magnus’ face when his eyes flutter open a fraction later than Alec. Magnus presses his lips together, but he’s unable to hold back the smile.

“What was that for?”

“I wanted to kiss you before and I didn’t.” His hands drop to rest on Magnus’ chest, and he exhales. “Anyway. Bed.”

“Bed,” Magnus agrees, taking the hand Alec offers him with another small, glowing smile.

Underhill and Lucas have disappeared by the time they turn, so Alec pauses at a desk and asks one of the administrative team to renegotiate the rota and give Underhill a leave of absence for the day, but he doesn’t worry about them as he walks with Magnus to the privacy of his quarters.

They have each other. They’ll be fine.

**Author's Note:**

> I really didn't know how to tag this one


End file.
